Problem Solving and Communication

Hello everyone! Welcome!

*Attached below is a talk that taught me so much! If you don’t read my post, at least read the article attached below :)

One of the most important aspects of a healthy marriage is being able to communicate and problem solve effectively with one another. I want to start off by emphasizing that communication takes EFFORT! The more you communicate, the better you will get at it and you will be more effective at communicating with others as well. 

In communicating with others: 

-14% is words

-35% is tone

-51% is body language

That is why it is so crucial that we practice communicating with others because in doing so, we are able to learn how to read body language, facial expressions, and tone better. Also in practicing communication with others, we learn how to better encode our messages so that others can understand them, and we better learn how to decode the messages others are trying to share with us. 

Like I mentioned before, good communication, and healthy communication is crucial to a successful marriage. It isn’t going to be natural. Just like one of my professors says, it will be supernatural. To be honest, it’s actually highly unnatural to be able to communicate effectively in a relationship and for both parties to be valued and seen in conflict and during conflict resolution. 

In my reading this week, I learned about the 5 secrets of Effective Communication:

*The First 3 are Empathy Skills*

1. Disarming Technique

    a. Look for the “kernels of truth” in their argument, meaning looking for the truth in what they are saying. 

    b. This disarms them, and disarms you and lets your guard down

    c. This could look like saying “You’re right. When I do the dishes I need to wipe up around the sink” Obviously that’s kind of a simple example, but just something like that works wonders in disarming the other person

2. Express Empathy

    a. Thought empathy- you repeat back what the told you showing understanding and that you really care about what they are telling you

    b. Or Feeling empathy- or emotion labels that deepen the connection in your relationship 

3. Inquiry

    a. Ask- am I getting that right?

    b. Sending the message “I’d love to hear more about your feelings?”

4. “I feel” messages/ statements

    a. When (event), I feel (emotion word), because (thought), and I would like (polite request). 

5. Stroking Technique     

    a. Telling the person something you authentically admire about them

These secrets of effective communication can be summed up with the acronym EAR. E- for empathy (disarming technique, and inquiry), A- for Assertiveness (I feel statements), R- for respect (stroking statements). 

It is important for couples to learn how to effectively communicate to make decisions as well. A key in marriage is being able to make decisions together and to value each other and their opinions when making those decisions. Listening for revelation is super important as well, so involving your Heavenly Father in your decision making will help you to be able to be kinder, more understanding, and will help you value the other person and their thoughts and opinions too. 

We can look to the leaders of our church for a good example on making decisions. In the book Counseling With our Councils by Elder M. Russell Ballard, he talks about the decision-making process that the brethren use that could be applied to our families and individual decision-making. One principle that I think is so important is starting and ending with a prayer. Inviting the spirit into your conversation automatically sets you up to be open to the promptings of the spirit. Another piece of advice we could take from the brethren is taking the time to really talk and interact with one another in your family or with your spouse. When you know and love someone, you are more willing to listen to and really value what the other thinks. 

Also, just like the brethren, we should strive to reach consensus amongst everyone. That way everyone feels seen, valued, and heard. That is a very important part of communication. Learn what works for you in your relationships and strive for effective communication. It is so important!

Love, Annie

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1993/10/strength-in-counsel?lang=eng