Transitioning into Marriage and Parenthood

Hello! Thanks for reading today!

Although marriage is amazing and treasured, there are some significant adjustments that come with getting married and starting a new life with someone else from a completely different background then yourself. Sometimes engagement can be a critical time in the relationship because you have a lot of decisions to make about your future. During this time, it is important to start to set boundaries for yourself and your future relationship. 

Topics of conversation for an engaged couple should be things like;

• How do we handle conflict? 

• How do we handle intimacy?

• How many kids? And when do we have kids?

• Should we continue our education?

• How do we handle finances? 

• Where are we going to live?

This list really could go on and on, but engagement is a critical time to plan out these things for your marriage. Obviously, life circumstances are always changing, but discussing the most important foundational things for your marriage will help to create a good base for your marriage to build on. 

Another thing that is critical during engagement is drawing boundaries around you and your spouse and everything outside of that. You and your spouse should be inside the “picket fence” (refer back to the boundary blog, about what picket fence means :)) and everything else including relationships with family and friends, hobbies, etc. should be on the outside. The most important thing is your relationship with your spouse, and it is crucial that you don’t let anything get in between the two of you so your relationship can be successful and last the longest. 

After the couple gets married, there are some more adjustments that the new couple goes through that can either bring them closer together or drive them apart. If not discussed during engagement, things like finances, communication, intimacy, and adjusting to having a new family could cause problems in the relationship. In communication, it is important to really define what you are talking about. When you two come together from completely different families and cultures, it is easy to be confused and not understand what the other is talking about if you don’t define what you are speaking of. 

The next challenge the couple will most likely face after adjusting to married life is bringing children into the world. Bringing another person into the world and into the family brings on a whole new set of challenges for the couple and their new baby. It is very common for the husband to withdraw when a baby is born, as he might feel unloved as mom devotes all her attention to the new baby at first. Marriage satisfaction decreases immensely, often with each child, because the father and mother spend less and less time together with the new baby around. They are probably more tired and irritable as well, so it is important to always look for the small and simple ways to really help each other out during this difficult time.  

One thing that helps to combat the negative feelings that fathers sometimes have towards new babies, is to involve the father in every single step (both small and big steps) of the pregnancy up until delivery, and even after. I hate to say it ladies… but keep your mom out of the delivery room if you can! Let that be a special bonding time between you and your husband and the new baby that is yours and your husbands only. Bringing life into this world gives us a glimpse of God’s power here on earth, and angels will go with you to help you through the challenges that come with this. 

Marriage is amazing, but so hard at times, and it is important to get the heavy stuff and hard conversations out of the way, so you can really enjoy your spouse and the time you spend together when you are first married. Look for ways to serve one another and really get to know each other, and your marriage will thrive. That’s not to say you won’t ever have challenges or disagreements, but you will be able to work through them and have great communication if you prioritize those important conversations at the very beginning of your marriage.