Sacred vs. Secret

Hello everyone! I hope you had a great week! I just want to say, I am, in no way, shape, or form, experienced on this topic at all, but I just wanted to share what I learned in my studies this week! So that’s what this post is all about. A summary of my readings and study this week. 

Physical Intimacy is an important part of our relationships in marriage, but it is important to treat it with the sacred nature in which God intended it to be treated with. I don’t believe it is meant to be kept secret, but intimacy should be talked about in a sacred and mature way. Kids are hearing all sorts of things in school and from their peers, which is why it is important to teach them in a healthy and sacred way about such a sacred thing. 

Those who choose to be intimate with each other before marriage deal with a whole set of challenges. There is a reason God commanded everyone to save this side of themselves for marriage. Women actually experience a release of the hormone oxytocin when they are physically connected to someone, which creates a sense of attachment to the other person. This could be unhealthy if they are not in a committed relationship with one another. 

So, what are some challenges that LDS couples, or those who wait for marriage, specifically face after getting married?

    • Managing expectations, as well as communicating those expectations and figuring out what works best for one another

    • Could lead to dissatisfaction

    • The need for communication

    • Setting Healthy Boundaries

    • Men feel their wives aren’t interested

    • Women feel their husbands only want them for their body

    • Balancing differences in desire and figuring out how to handle that

And, what could be some benefits to men and women having different sexual desires?

    • Gives the opportunity for the man to be more selfless and focus on the needs of their spouse, which is an opportunity for connection

    • The women not being so fixated on the one thing, like men stereotypically are, could help them to not go too far if they are desiring to wait for marriage

I enjoyed reading an article this week entitled “Raising the Bar on Intimate Relationships” by Laura M. Brotherson LMFT, CST, CFLE. In the article that has 2 parts, she lays out 20 guidelines for married couples on how to build a “sextraordinary marriage.” Cheesy, I know, but I think it helps to really get the most out of the points in her article. The points that stood out to me most in the article are:

    • Agency; freedom to choose, not entitlement

        o Both spouses feel they have a voice to express their needs and desires. When both have agency and feel they can express what they are feeling, they move toward a more balanced relationship with balanced desires. 

    • Connection-based

        o Aspires to deepen the interpersonal connection between husband and wife, doesn’t just focus on performance

    • Informed and educated

        o Being educated helps couples to be better able to understand their individual characteristics, and to be more patient with one another. Laura M Brotherson states “Having an affirmingly informed and education understanding of healthy male sexuality will also result in having healthy, affirming thoughts and beliefs about sex.” Education is important for their relationship to be healthy! It isn’t weird and helps a lot actually. It is also important to teach your children age-appropriate things about this topic to keep them from turning to other sources and to help them be understanding of the sacred nature of this. 

    • Purpose is to connect

        o The purpose of physical intimacy is to connect husband and wife. It is meant for both to really deepen the connection they have and can also help relieve stress that the couple could be experiencing. 

    • Spiritual experience

        o Laura M. Brotherson also teaches “By divine design, healthy sexuality is defined as spiritual oneness. The term ‘spiritual’ means relating to or consisting of spirit. Sex itself is designed by God to join husband and wife together as one- body and soul.” 

I enjoyed all I learned this week, and I hope something stands out to you as you read. Thanks for being here this week! I’ll attach Laura M Brotherson’s articles at the end. Hopefully you enjoy reading it too :) 

Love, Annie

Part 1: https://latterdaysaintmag.com/raising-the-bar-on-intimate-relationships/

Part 2: https://latterdaysaintmag.com/characteristics-of-healthy-and-unhealthy-sexuality-in-marriage/