Dating and Preparing for Marriage

Hello everyone! I hope you had a great week! Today we are going to talk about dating. To start off, I want to ask; how do you feel about dating? And when was the last time you went on a date?

In the world we live in today, dating is becoming less and less common and is being replaced by “hanging out.” I have lived this being a college student today. The dating scene isn’t what it used to be and girls are getting asked on dates less and less often. The truth is, dating gets you prepared for marriage. It helps you to see someone in many different situations to really get to know them to see if you are compatible or not. 

President Dallin H Oaks, first councilor in the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, states in his talk “Dating versus Hanging Out,” that “dating has nearly disappeared from college campuses and among young adults generally. It has been replaced by something called ‘hanging out.’” Hanging out is usually in a group setting and doesn’t adequately prepare individuals to get to know each other for marriage. In fact, President Oaks urges young people to stop hanging out and to go on dates. 

So, what exactly is dating and how do we define it? President Oaks defines it by the three P’s. These are: 1. Paired off (even in group dates, as long as you and one other person are together, it counts), 2. Paid For (or put the pieces together and coordinate the date), and 3. A Planned activity. Dating doesn’t have to be expensive, and it doesn’t have to be something extravagant. In fact, I think most women would say the simpler the better. 

Dating to get to know people ties right in to the “The Know Quo” which is a good way to really get to know someone. The three things that are most helpful in getting to know someone are 1. Togetherness, or shared activities that they like to do together, 2. Talk (mutual self-disclosure) meaning both people share equal amounts of information, and one person isn’t talking the whole time and taking up the whole conversation, and 3. Time. It takes time to really get to know someone, and it is even argued that it takes 3 months just to start to get to know someone. I think that’s why it is so important to take the time to get to know someone and to see them in different situations when dating. I know that doesn’t ensure that the marriage will be successful, but it does help to build a trusting relationship with a good foundation. 

Another thing that is beneficial in having a good dating to courtship to engagement to marriage relationship is understanding the RAM, or Relationship Attachment Model. It is laid out as follows:

This diagram shows the points that come when developing a relationship with someone. Something that is important is ensure that the sliders on the bars never surpass the one before it. You can’t trust someone more than you know them. You don’t want reliance to be higher than trust for example. When these sliders are out of alignment, unhealthy attachment in relationships can occur to where the relationship is not healthy for one or both people involved. Something important to remember is to keep intimacy at bay when you are dating and courting and engaged. When boundaries aren’t set in that area of the relationship, unhealthy attachment can develop, leading to hurt feelings and a bad dating experience. 

As you are dating and looking for someone to spend your life with, I encourage you to remember the 3 P’s when you are dating, and the 3 T’s of getting to know someone. Although the marriage and relationship won’t be problem free, you will have a good foundation to withstand whatever challenges come your way. 

Thanks for reading and I hope you have a great week!


Love, Annie


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