Healthy Boundaries

Hello everyone! I hope you had an amazing week and I am excited to talk to you all more about families and family relationships!

Boundaries are an important part of relationships. Especially for relationships within the family. In reading some articles this week, I learned about a few different boundary types that I would like to share with you. From there, I am going to talk about those different boundary types within a family, and how that affects the family. 

The first type of boundary is a rigid boundary. You can imagine a house with a cinder block fence with barbed wire on top as a rigid boundary. This appears out of reach and somewhat cold and distant. Some people put up a boundary like this as a defense mechanism, so their feelings don’t get hurt. I am actually guilty of this myself. In a relationship with a spouse, or anyone in your family really, having a boundary like this can make it extremely difficult to build a relationship with trust and love. 

On the opposite end of the spectrum, there are no boundaries. You can imagine this as a house with no fence and walking trails all through the yard. And the front door is always open so people and animals of all kinds are just welcome to walk right in. Individuals who don’t have boundaries often get used and taken advantage of. This is no way to live and is never fun for the person who gets taken advantage of all the time. It can also make the home environment unsafe for everyone, especially children, if one has no limits on who is welcome in the home and who they are willing to have a relationship with. 

Right in the middle is where you want to be with boundaries. Imagine this a cute little house with a white picket fence all the way around. You can tell there is a fence there to keep unwanted things out, but you also feel welcomed if you want to go through the gate. That would be the ideal boundaries in a relationship. Where you feel like you are letting each other in and not feeling like you need to protect your feelings, but you also aren’t getting taken advantage of. When the parents have these kinds of boundaries with their children, it provides the best environment for the children to feel loved, welcome, and also disciplined so they know right from wrong. When boundaries like this are set in a marriage, like President Gordon B. Hinckley instructed, they care at least as much about their spouse’s desires as they do their own. That really is what it’s all about!

Obviously, there are experiences that people go through that hinder their ability to let people in and maybe also keep people out who have wronged them and take advantage of them. One other thing that is so important in relationships is trust, and without trust, you cannot have healthy boundaries with each other. After all, healthy boundaries in the family are what keep everyone safe. 

You may be thinking, “great, I need to have good boundaries in my marriage and with my children, how does that apply to me now?” but these boundaries are important with siblings and when you are dating too. When people don’t have healthy boundaries in dating relationships, the relationship could be unhealthy for both parties and you don’t want to be stuck in a relationship like that. Set your standards high, keep your boundaries firm, and be smart when it comes to dating!

Another thing I would like to talk with you about today is the roles husbands and wives play in a marriage. Men are to provide for the family, preside over the family, and protect the family, where wives are responsible for the nurturing of children. That is the ideal circumstance that is by divine design, but there are situations where that cannot happen, and that’s ok too. What is important is that both spouses and the children are loved and stay close to God. Following the roles that God outlines for men and women, while upholding healthy boundaries, families are best able to grow and learn and confront the challenges of life. 

Love, Annie