Family Culture and Traditions

Every family has traditions and it’s own culture. Think about your family. What traditions and cultural characteristics can you think of that you see in your own family? I know I can think of so many!! While there are some cherished traditions in our families, I can also think of a few traditions that could potentially be mentally harmful for members of the family and might not have the best lasting effects for individuals in the family. 

One tradition I loved as a kid, and still today, was getting to go out with my parents individually for what we call “Birthday Dinner.” Whoever’s birthday it is gets to pick the restaurant, then have an hour or so alone with our parents to celebrate their birthday. This tradition is a family favorite because since we grew up in a house with 6 kids, we didn’t have a lot of alone time with our parents, so we truly treasured this one-on-one time with our parents. It helped us to feel seen, loved, valued, and treasured. Those traditions are the ones that should be kept around for generations to come! When people feel seen and loved, that’s when relationships in the family thrive. 

One tradition my family tried was paying kids for good grades. We would get a certain amount of money, and the better our grades were, the more money we got. I was a straight A student up until college, so this was easy money for me. Some of my sisters weren’t that motivated to do well in school, and the money wasn’t a good motivation for them. That costed my parents a lot of money on my behalf, but it wasn’t motivating my sisters like my parents had hoped. So, we stopped that tradition. It also caused tension between the siblings too because “it wasn’t fair that everyone didn’t get the same amount of money.” Because this tradition wasn’t good at bringing out the best in my family and between the siblings, it was discarded, and rightfully so. 

Another tradition in my family, as traditions are “inherited patterns of belief or behavior,” is keeping our feelings inside and suppressing them until we explode. Or, we just keep it inside, causing a lot of inner tension and anxiety. This tendency in my family, that we are working on being better at, causes tensions in relationships, and often the other person who is not experiencing the hard feelings, doesn’t even know about the conflict usually. It makes it hard to resolve a familial conflict when one person doesn’t know how the other is feeling and/or the other person isn’t willing to communicate their feelings to the other to work through their challenges. One thing that my mom always tells me is to “feel and deal, then move on.” Meaning feel what you are feeling because those feelings are valid, deal with the feelings you are having in a reasonable way if that be counseling, medication, or just going on a long drive or walk, deal with them so they don’t build up. Then, move on. Let it go. If it’s not bugging the other person, it will only eat you up to hold onto those feelings. Keep your healthy boundaries with that person like we talked about before  but move on and don’t let it eat at you. We are trying to overcome this tradition so we can have healthier relationships within my family. 

Hold on to those family traditions that encourage the best in your relationships with your family members. Like birthday dinners and getting to spend time with your parents without your siblings sometimes. Express your feelings, don’t bottle them up and let them eat you up inside! In doing so, you are able to have the best familial relationships and it will bring out the best in you and in your families. 

Thank you for being here, and I hope you have a great week!

Love, Annie